Monday 17th February 2014
On the weekend I got to see my lovely grand daughter who is a month old. She is my first grand child.
It is the most amazing thing watching the transformation happening in our family.
My first born son, has not only grown into a man, but now a father.
His girlfriend and him are young, but still way older than what I was when I had him.
I am in awe of him, every time I see him and his little family.
Watching a person that you helped create, cuminate everything that he has seen or been a part of, into creating his own style of parenting, and doing a fantastic job of it too, might I add.
The foundations of this all, is a blended family.
Now no two families are the same, and they are even more different when you have blended families.
For us what worked for us will be different to how it works for others.
It has been interesting for us, to see how our choice to be a blended family, has had an affect on not only the children we entered the relationship with, but also our daughter we had together. As well as a chain reaction to other family memebers like aunts, uncles and grand parents. It's something we never thought about.
When you enter a relationship, your main concern is how you and the new partner, get along. But when one of you or both of you have children as well. You are also concerned about them getting along with your new partner as well as the new children.
Then you have the ex's, to juggle and negotiate what situation of sharing the children, will not only suit the ex, but also the new partner and new children.
It can all seem hugely over whelming when you think about it in great detail, but when your in it, you just jump on the rollercoaster ride and go with it. Some days can be a challenge, other days can be lots of fun. Most of all, you are just trying to form a family. It doesn't matter where all the family members came from, as long as you all feel like you belong and are loved in your home.
We thought we had this blended family thing pretty sorted.
Mr Confident lives with his girlfriend and their little girl.
Mr Affectionate, still lives with his dad, but is working and pretty much doing his own thing.
I know longer have to negotiate with their dad over how much time I can have them each year, as they decide for themselves, and I now have to share them with their job and girlfriend (if they have one).
Christmas's and birthdays can still be difficult to negotiate, but what I have learnt the most is you just make the most of the time you have with them, when ever that may be, and for how ever long it may be.
Miss Blondini still lives with her mum, but she is nearly 14 and her dad can negotiate directly with her now, and then double check with her mum. Still making sure we respect her interest in gym and her teenage need to hang out with her friends. But we also know she loves every chance she can get to hang out with us too.
There has always been an element of sharing with grand parents as well.
Because of course, why should they miss out. They miss the shared grand kids as much as everyone else does. But they also don't have the same level of understanding that comes with sharing. Sometimes they can be lead to believe that you don't care enough because you are not prepared to 'fight harder' for as much time as you can with your child. I know they are only operating from their own desire of missing their grand child. But sharing a child with an ex, is not about fighting over them, or treating them like an object of possession. But understanding that this child has every right to spend as much time as they can with both parents. If the other parent is providing a safe and loving home, then there is no reason why the child can't spend equal amounts of time with each parent. But sometimes heart and logic don't always go hand in hand, and emotions get mixed up in there and then things can get messy.
Now we have become grand parents, we are seeing an extension of that complication.
My in laws, who are not my boys biological grand parents. Who have tried their best, given the circumstances, to treat them the same as their biological grand children. We are now observing an un forseen arkwardness in regards to becoming great grand parents. And it is hard not to feel a little offended by it, but then I still have to remind myself that this is their emotions, and they have every right to feel them, no matter what they are.
Our blended family is all happy about this transition. Becoming young aunts, uncles and grandparents.
But there are still a few of the family that doesn't know what this new transition means for them. Or how to deal with the situation without offending someone.
I have had my ex's wife, say that she is just the step grand parent. I said yes that may be the official title, but as far as I am concerned she is just a grand parent like me. Just so she knew that she wasn't stepping on any bodies toes by having that title.
Then my husband has experienced someone tell him that he is only a 'step grand parent' and it's not the same as when your own child has a baby. When as far as my husband is concerned he is a grand parent and proud of it.
Even though the juggle can be hard and I am sure a lot of people who are still married and all their children are biologically theirs, would read this and go OMG! that is just way too complicated, I could never live like this.
For us this is just what is means to be a family, and I wouldn't want to have it any other way.
Our children know they are ALL loved by us and we will do anything we can to spend as much time as we can with each and everyone of them.
This is our family and we are poud of it :)
