Being A More Peaceful Parent.

Monday 31st March 2014

Ever since I had my first child, I have been trying to change my style of parenting.
You give something and go and if it feels right, you keep doing it, if it doesn't you change it.

I found it was really hard at first, because I just automatically did what had been done to me.
My parent's believed in smacking and yelling, because they had been smacked and also because of frustration.
Now we have all been there, being so frustrated we do the first thing that comes to us.
For my parents who were smacked as a child, then that is what they did when they got frustrated.

I didn't like smacking, as it made me feel bad, and I didn't like to make my child cry.
So I went to the library and tried to learn as much as I could about toddler/ child behavior, so I had a better understanding of it all.
But I still found myself at times, out of frustration reverting to the way I had been brought up.

Parenting is always evolving, as we get older, as our children get older, as we have more children.
It's just a natural progression.
I have always been open minded enough to try different approaches, if something doesn't feel right, or doesn't work.

But lately I have been reading a lot on Peaceful Parenting, as I am at a point with my youngest, where the old ways of doing things are no longer working.
It all sounds great in theory, but in the heat of the moment it can be tough.

But I know that if I come from a place of love and compassion instead of the instant reaction of frustration and anger, then there is hope for change.

My daughter love language is cuddles and affection, and I find when she has just said things that have upset me or not what I would like to hear, it is very hard to want to be affectionate with her.
But the more I push her away and want to distant myself from her the worse her behavior gets.

Does anybody else go through this?
How do you deal with it?

I know nobody is perfect, and it's a matter of having a balance of respect and boundaries for each other.
But how do you teach this?

But I also love the way my daughter can just let things go, I wish I could be more like this.
She will get frustrated, have a vent at me, and at this point I have sent her to her room for time out, as she has yelled at me in her venting. Then once she has calmed down and come out, it is like nothing has happened and she is happy to let it go.

I am happy for her to vent, as we all need to do it.
I just want less yelling.
Because when she has vented for everything that I have asked her to do, it wears a little thin and that is when the frustration comes in again.

I have found reading a lot of blogs on posts on peaceful parenting is helping though.
http://www.ahaparenting.com/_blog/parenting_blog
http://www.littleheartsbooks.com/2013/11/29/the-gift-of-a-strong-willed-child/

So it is a work in progress and some days it feels like 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.
But I will never stop trying to be a more peaceful parent.